...and I see them holding up the wall at the smoke shop across the street. I watch them (pants hanging/shit-talking) gathering on the premises, slinging "illegals" to anyone who may be interested in their wares. Now they've set up a hair cutting area in the parking lot. Beneath the canvas, who knows what transpires there.
Most of the time I'm angry with them: Being the absolute scourge of all I despise in life. Unmotivated to do the things I feel they should to become real men. Lazy, siftless individuals who would no sooner steal from you than to secure legitimate employment. They run in packs, these wall-holder-upers do. They give me sly smiles as they know I think of them as an abomination to mankind. And being that I absolutely DESPISE lazy men, it couldn't get much worse than to view their ineptness.
Yet in still, I pity them. I have a pretty good idea how they ended up holding the walls with their backs. No fathers nor viable male figures. I'm speaking in terms of males who made the choice (whether consciously or subconsciously) to abandon the lives of their sons. I know someone who through his actions left his son high and dry. His son found other males to fill the hole that he should have occupied. Unfortunately, often times the "hole-fillers" are those that have been left behind by THEIR fathers, gang members, or other disenfranchised-type individuals. This young man (to whom I referenced in a previous blog) has since found a questionable lot to call his family. With no upstanding male to guide him, his only option was to run with what I would call a gang.
To me, the male bonding experience is an important one. I've found that those who group together and have had positive influences in their lives do much better than those who do not. There is little tomfoolery in those circles, no criminal activity. Just guys enjoying each others' company. On the other hand, there can be negative consequences to those males who gather not so much for companionship and comraderie. The ones who didn't have the benefit of positive male sculpting early in life can engage in unlawful activity when in these groups. Yes, all under a hair cutting tent in a smoke shop parking lot! My rage in male parental abandonment will be aired in another blog.
Note to the absentee male figure: Take a look over your shoulder and see who you're leaving behind...
In the recent past, there have been a series of sex scandals involving high-profile individuals. As each story develops, I begin to question all the hoopla-la regarding sex, and how some have made a three-ring circus surrounding the act. There's definitely a difference between someone who enjoys sex or the pursuit of such, and those who are compelled to have sex. Shall we explore this?
PART ONE: Sexual Deviancy
I knew a person that I considered a very close friend that I can classify as a deviant. I thought he was a very charming and endearing person, and didn't know of his activities at the beginning of our friendship. Being promiscuous at a young age might have set the tone for his adult pursuits of multiple partners, questionable sex practices, and pornography. We knew each other for over 20 years, and he held his "unusual" desires to himself for almost the entirety of our relationship. However, one day while visiting him, I found a few pieces of unmentionables missing from my suitcase. His constant denials led to an eventual confession. We haven't spoken since.
Sexual deviancy is a mental health disorder and like with any addiction, it takes larger doses of the drug to elicit the same desired effect. In terms of sex, the perpetrator tasks bigger risks. Many may be acquainted with a person they may consider sex addicted, but what is sex addiction? In my previous blog, "Sex Addiction 101," I list the symptoms as follows:
- Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
- Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
- Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
- Consistent use of pornography
- Unsafe sex
- Phone or computer sex (cybersex)
- Prostitution or use of prostitutes
- Obsessive dating through personal ads
- Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
- Sexual harassment
To be truthful, I'm sure many of you have engaged in one or more of these activities (me included). But when does it change from pleasure to destruction? Possibly when it becomes obsessive and/or detrimental to relationships, employment: Anything that is important that is disregarded due to having to get the next fix.
Rep. Weiner is a primary example of what could be considered sex addicted. From what I've been reading (and what he has confessed), he has had many encounters with willing and unwilling partners, and engaged in exhibitionism and cybersex. He stepped far and beyond what would be considered healthy sexual desires. Addicts often hide their abhorrent behavior from family and friends, especially their spouses. Clues are often left as to their activity, but one needs to be receptive enough to interpret them.
PART TWO: Freaks (and the freakazoids who frequent these freaks)...
In my honest opinion, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tiger Woods aren't sexual deviants, but men who enjoy the company of women: MANY women! Hot, lusty freaks that relentlessly chased females, even engaging in sexual activity with them. It's probably a good guess that Maria Schriver knew about Arnold's tastes for the female gender, and only objected to it when the public was made aware of his adulterous behavior. The possibility of many other women showing up and a child fathered with yet another woman couldn't be tolerated for someone of her social standing. She would surely be shunned by her high society friends for allowing him to step out on her like that. Too calm, too laid back, she HAD to have known. I wonder what his childhood was like? Was it okay in his household for the males to have women on the side?
On the other hand, Tiger liked to do the nasty with whomever he could catch a hold. His ex-wife Elin didn't have a clue as to his extramarital affairs as evidenced by her using his golf clubs on his ride . Why he left a trail of text messages pointing a finger back to him is beyond me. Might as well have been bread crumbs. In his case, the inability of sexual experimentation may have led to his sexual exploits. So do you think that having a little "taste" before marriage would have curbed his philandering? We may never know. He was sexually underdeveloped as he acted like a school boy humpin' girls behind the portables. What's ridiculous on his part is that he knew these women would not hold his secret. And speaking of secrets...
PART THREE:Somewhere In Between (or the world according to Alec Baldwin)
I followed a link on twitter regarding the Anthony Weiner sex scandal. It was a real eye-opener as spoken from a "matter of fact" perspective. Mr. Baldwin is taking the stance that cybersex "...is sex for many people now." The rest of the article can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/6h7fjux.
Can this be true? I know with the advent of being able to virtually touch anyone on planet Earth courtesy of the internet, we have accessibility to just about anyone we desire to interact with (for any purpose).
Another quote from Baldwin: "Weiner is so busy, he forgot the important rule that everyone you interact with on this plane becomes a co-conspirator. You rely on them to remain confidential." A fascinating statement. Maybe part of the game is being secretive: That raw part of the clandestine affair? Maybe even moreso than the sex itself? It sounds perfectly logical that holding one's secret is one of the highs of undercover sex. A wink, a nudge, a confidence held between two (or more) co-conspirators.
CONCLUSION: The Truth in Advertising
Being up front about sexual tastes/habits with your partner is a favorable thing to do. Your partner should be able to make an informed choice as to whether to continue a relationship with you. It isn't fair to hide these facts from someone you supposedly care about. But if you're lying to your partner, you probably don't care enough to let them go. Extremely selfish, but so is sneaking around, AND putting your partner ask risk of STDs (believe me, if someone is creeping, they're probably not using jimmys).
Taking the mystique out of sex may alleviate the need for some individuals to lie about their pursuits. The other person should have the choice as to whether they want to accept their weirdicities," or move on. It might be a surprise that when you confess, your partner might have a confession or two for you as the knife cuts both ways!
P.S.:If you use my coined word "weirdicity," make sure to give me credit!
Where do I start? Well, from the beginning of his story. A tiny baby born to parents who didn't want him. The two of them made a decision to put him up for adoption in lieu of parenting. In comes two parents who chose to adopt him, wanting to make sure that he felt loved: Wanted. That it wasn't a mistake for being born, but a miracle that he was created. And after 3 days, the birth parents take him back. With this, the psychological abuse commences with the father walking out after three years, and the mother being emotionally vacant. He's left to raise himself while the adoptive couple helplessly looks on.
I have personally seen this story re-enacted over and over. One parent walks out, leaving the other parent to take on the entire burden of raising a child on their own. In this particular situation, both parents were (are) dysfunctional. But there are other instances wherein one parent is more capable to taking care of the child(ren), but the OTHER parent has custody. The result are dysfunctional children who turn into dysfunctional adults. There is an endless cycle of men and women who never had a nurturing relationship with the custodial parent, nor the part-time parent. They cannot emotionally connect with others. If you've never seen what it is to be loved, how can you love?
I'm not knocking single parenthood. Though in the past, I had my doubts regarding the viability of such a relationship. However, it works in certain circumstances wherein there is a support system established between the single mother or father and other family members, friends, etc. I have a friend who single-handedly raised two beautiful, functional children without the aid of a deadbeat father. In this instance, the removal of the father from the equation was to the benefit of the children. I'm referring to a custodial parent who is incapable of raising a well-balance child due to their lack of parenting skills, drug abuse, or lack of "availability." Those who check out of their parenting responsibilities, or were never emotionally available to begin with. Those who show no love toward their offspring. These children have a tendency to engage in anti-social behavior.
It's too bad that parents aren't assessed for their ability to love their children. Just a hug, a kiss, or a word of encouragement is all some of these kids need to become productive citizens. But here we sit, and we wait, and we cry as to what has happened to these children right before our eyes. I know because I'm the adoptive parent who could only stand by while my son's life was ruined. Yes, I call him my son because he was, if only for three days...