Last night, I watched my cat Felix attempt to lie in my lap. As I continually waved him off, he changed his direction in an effort to gain lap access. For some reason, it reminded me of one my ex-boyfriends: A selfish slip of a man who only had his own best interest at heart. That was to get what he wanted no matter if it was good for me.
We'll just refer to him as "B." He was a real piece of work. A self-serving troll that floated back and forth between me and the future mother of his child. I don't know if he ever married her, but I do recall an awkward moment of being at my friend's house for a barbeque with my present-day husband, and seeing him and his quite pregnant, pig-faced woman walking up the lawn. I also remember seeing his sorry ass on the 5 o'clock news. At that time he worked for a car dealership, and there was a dispute over medical insurance.
My main problem with him is this: He was a LOUSY lover! I guess I can't really call him a lover; just a sex partner. He always thought of himself, with his no pleasure-providing self. The type to have "his," and then not only roll over without providing "mine," but take the blanket, too! There's something about a man/woman who doesn't pleasure his/her partner that can equate to an all-around inconsiderate person.
Yes, I've thought of him recently, and why I subjected myself to such torment. One thing I know for sure is that he provided me with the information I needed to choose someone special. A person who not only thought about himself and his needs, but what I needed or better yet: Desired. He was just a cog in the wheel of relationships, and a much-needed lesson on how not to find yourself saddled to such a brute on a long-term basis.
My thoughts are these:
1. If he/she rolls over after sex, they're not for you.
2. If he/she floats endlessly between you and another sex partner, they're not for you. (unless both of you are into that). (lol)
3. If he/she chooses an ugly girlfriend/boyfriend instead you, they DEFINITELY aren't for you!
4. And definitely, very definitely, if he/she doesn't satisfy you sexually NEVER EVER MARRY THEM!
I'm of the mind that a gratifying sex life is essential to a good relationship. If one partner is not happy, the other wouldn't be, either. But that is only me. There are others who choose to live a life of abstinence. To each his/her own. But if, and only if, your partner doesn't require physical satisfaction, too.
So what does this have to do with my cat? That's a good question. Maybe it was because it wasn't a reciprocal relationship. He would have gotten a warm lap, and I might have gotten flies? (LOL) Oh well. He didn't get my lap, and I didn't get a lap full of fur.
And no, I'm not lying. His lady did look like a pig!
It's always interesting when parents decide to tell their children about sex (if they do). I guess some children will learn from osmosis? When I got my first period, my Mother gave me a "care kit" which included one horrible strap-on Kotex and a booklet on human reproduction. "If you have any questions, feel free to ask me," was about all I got in terms of sex education, but at least it was something. I had early lessons in terms of learning how things really were beyond the safety of my parent's door. They were invaluable lessons for someone like me who developed at such a young age.
I do not think my Mother understood how really bad it was out there. For some reason, we Black girls stuck together. We knew to be the most cautious of those who others trusted: Our teachers. My first experience with inappropriate behavior was with one of my elementary school instructors. Though without any previous sexual experience, I knew his proximity and touches were unsuitable, that his requests for me to stay after school were not to be heeded. He had the nerve to have a sleep-over at his house. NONE of the Black girls went. We just knew this dude had some really bad intentions.
The predators which continually attempted to lure us into their cars on our way to school? Classic.
And then there were the high school instructors. The librarian who continually made sex jokes. I remember his eyes all goopy with some sort of discharge, and me begging my friend to sit with me during my T.A. period. He was one sick puppy!
I once had a chemistry teacher that was more hilarious than freakish. Nothing offensive with him. He'd teach the class from behind his lab table, blah-blah-blah. One day we were almost asphyxiated by him taking lithium from its oil suspension, putting it on a paper towel vowing it can be exposed to oxgyen for a few minutes without igniting, and then watching it ignite after 30 seconds. Worst still was him immersing the flaming mineral in water, and choking on the billowing smoke which resulted. Yes, he was fairly daffy. It was just funny in that I don't think he realized what he brought back from Japan. What I first thought were salt and pepper shakers were actually ceramic penises. They were removed the next day.
Let alone college professors trying to exchange grades for sex.
With all this said, you'd think in this day and age that children would be told about the birds and bees. It amazed me to learn how a 17 year old girl in this area was coaxed by a college music professor to take off her clothes and masterbate in front of him. He told her he was doing a study on sexual arousal and how it affected vocal performance. She said he told her that this would make her be able to reach lower octaves while singing. Was she naive? Or sheltered by her parents? If she knew this man was attempting to take advantage of her, it might have spared her the memory of acting so idiotically.
So what's the point to all this? Not discussing sex in at least it's basic form suits no purpose other than leaving your children open to any predator that may pop up. They won't have the knowledge in which to compare their information given to them from a trusted source against what some predator might be saying. Just tell them the basics, and sprinkle in a little worldly-type scenarios. It just may save you and them from a lifetime of regrets.