Monday, June 6, 2011

The Wrong Parent Left Behind

Where do I start?  Well, from the beginning of his story.  A tiny baby born to parents who didn't want him.  The two of them made a decision to put him up for adoption in lieu of parenting.  In comes two parents who chose to adopt him, wanting to make sure that he felt loved:  Wanted.  That it wasn't a mistake for being born, but a miracle that he was created.  And after 3 days, the birth parents take him back.  With this, the psychological abuse commences with the father walking out after three years, and the mother being emotionally vacant.  He's left to raise himself while the adoptive couple helplessly looks on. 

I have personally seen this story re-enacted over and over.  One parent walks out, leaving the other parent to take on the entire burden of raising a child on their own.  In this particular situation, both parents were (are) dysfunctional.  But there are other instances wherein one parent is more capable to taking care of the child(ren), but the OTHER parent has custody.  The result are dysfunctional children who turn into dysfunctional adults.  There is an endless cycle of men and women who never had a nurturing relationship with the custodial parent, nor the part-time parent.  They cannot emotionally connect with others.  If you've never seen what it is to be loved, how can you love? 

I'm not knocking single parenthood.  Though in the past, I had my doubts  regarding the viability of such a relationship.  However, it works in certain circumstances wherein there is a support system established between the single mother or father and other family members, friends, etc.  I have a friend who single-handedly raised two beautiful, functional children without the aid of a deadbeat father.  In this instance, the removal of the father from the equation was to the benefit of the children.  I'm referring to a custodial parent who is incapable of raising a well-balance child due to their lack of parenting skills, drug abuse, or lack of "availability."  Those who check out of their parenting responsibilities, or were never emotionally available to begin with.  Those who show no love toward their offspring.  These children have a tendency to engage in anti-social behavior. 

It's too bad that parents aren't assessed for their ability to love their children.  Just a hug, a kiss, or a word of encouragement is all some of these kids need to become productive citizens.  But here we sit, and we wait, and we cry as to what has happened to these children right before our eyes.  I know because I'm the adoptive parent who could only stand by while my son's life was ruined.  Yes, I call him my son because he was, if only for three days...

rainwriter jones


  1. Sad to read about this and about your son. You're so right in all things you write. It's strange that you need a licence to drive but not to be a parent... I know it sounds silly but I think it should be some sort of requirements anyway...

    I love my mother and father very much but neither was there for me when I was a child... I moved away from home when I was 14... My mother told me she loved me for the first time EVER a couple of years ago... I turned 40 a couple of weeks ago. I guess I could complain but I think I turned out pretty OK anyway.

    Cheers my friend, hope to meet you someday again!

  2. Nice to hear from you, David. Thank you for stopping by.

    I agree with you that there needs to be some way to "test" folks' worthiness to be parents. The woman to whom I refer was and is a real piece! It's a shame that I wasn't able to raise him because at this point, he's totally lost.

    I'm glad that you've made peace with your mother. You left home at 14? It's more than obvious that you made good for yourself. I would love to find a connection between your musical inclinations and having to be on your own at such a young age. Your music is almost spiritual.

    Hopefully our paths will cross again. Planning on being in Europe in the near future.

    Take care,

    rainwriter jones


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