I thought I'd post this blog from a topic broached by a friend on Twitter. What is a wife. What is a "good wife?" And how do we teach the young ladies of today how to be a wife, and not a "baby's mama?"
That's Merriam-Webster's definition of marriage. Here's mine:
A partner for life to love, honor, cherish, discuss with, fight with, brawl with, be vulnerable with.
The wife is not being enslaved or subjugated, but working as a partner to raise children; make it through this madness in one piece. My marriage of almost 23 years has not always been a bed of roses, and I'd be lying if I told you that. I consider myself a good wife. Why? Because I have stuck through it with a man that I love, honor, cherish, discuss with, fight with, brawl with, and am vulnerable with. And because of this, both my husband and myself teach our daughters how not to end up as another statistic: the baby mama. Not to choose reproduction over marriage. Instilling into them that if a man is not "good enough" to marry, why would you have children with them?
The role of the woman has changed. Back in the days when fire was first created (circa 1960 and prior), women wore a different suit than today's woman. She was a wife, chief cook, and bottle washer. There were definitive roles for both men and women. She was taught by her mother how to keep house and tend to children. A man was taught how to bring home the bacon and manage his household. He was often the disciplinarian; bringing the children back into line when they crossed it. That's where the term "wait 'til your father gets home" came from.
In the years I've been here on planet Earth I've seen things change, and not for the better. Many of the problems arose when women entered the workforce back in the 1960s not because we had to for economic necessity, but because we wanted to show men that we were equal: that we could do everything they could. Things started spiraliing downhill as more and more women entered the working world as our young ones were left at day cares, or even to fend for themselves. The mentality that a woman can be both a mother AND a father further created the divide we see today. As we became more sexually aware, more "out there," the desire to have a man as a husband waned. The divorce rate increased; the marriage rate decreased.
The baby mama-drama stems from all this. The need for women to feel empowered: being the one in control of every aspect of her life, especially reproduction. With the man being a mere sperm donor, he does not feel the need to stay around. And the cycles continues as yet another generation of women feel the need to leave menfolk out of their family equation. Men are not off the hook for creating this mess. Since they've been severed from the role of provider for the family unit, they figure they might as well take advantage of not having any responsibility at all in regards to raising children. There is chaos pursuant to NEITHER party willing to create a bond of man-woman-child.
Now that society has created a new mindset on family and family values you have to ask yourselves: will we ever go back to the time when a man and a woman raised children together? To set up a firm foundation with the man or woman before there is reproduction? Is there a stigma attached to those who choose to marry, and not simply reproduce?
I know I've been told change is good. That might have been true in the past. Back in the 60s and 70s when change meant there were new jobs to be had: new opportunity for anyone who tried to make something of themselves. When getting an education was worth more than written words on a sheepskin. And as much as I hated it as a child, church was attended, and faith was nurtured. A part of the family structure.
Now faith has been replaced by the evening news. Last night had me think about how not many things seems to hold the same significance any more. Boeing had been a long-term employer to the Seattle area for decades. No one ever thought they'd pull up stakes, but they have been slowly but surely easing their business to other states. Before that, the Supersonics (Sonics in the latter years) moved to Oklahoma after having their start here. A mainstay: 100,000s of fans watched them disappear into the clouds.
Our trees are ripped from the ground to make way for brand new homes no one can afford; while older homes sit neglected. The only thing that stopped the senseless slaughter was the recession. The news says that new housing starts are significant to the rebuilding of our economy. The builders will begin anew: stripping the land of it's vital resources.
Then it spoke of the holidays, and how only 63% of employers were having a Christmas party this year. Lord have mercy, where's the spirit?? The malls once had Christmas sales which are now called "holiday" sales for fear of alienating anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas. Okay...that's fine. But can we as a people come up with ONE major holiday we can celebrate TOGETHER during the month of December? United We Stand Day? There seemed to be so much more unity back when I was growing up. Preserving everyone's rights have made us a very secular society. Even with eating a pretzel in public, you could be liable to be named in a lawsuit.
This thought turned over in my head: are we as a country become "insignificant?" Not in just the sense of political power, but by way of losing our traditions: our commitment. Just seems as though the fabric of our country has been washed too many times, and is now beginning to fade through.
Do you believe that men and women can engage in sexual activity, but still remain friends?
I know of several men with many female acquaintances who treat their bedroom doors as revolving ones. They say they admire the female form, and enjoy encounters with anyone they can persuade to lie beneath their covers. They're called friends or company. To have sex with and nothing more. These women leave in the morning, supposedly with no strings attached. One man in particular says he wants a long-term relationship: someone to come home to that he can love. If having sex is strictly biological, why would he say this? Problem being is he also says the females he beds aren't "good enough." Are there different categories of women: those to bed versus those to marry? A woman to only use for sex, but not for anything else? He says he's looking, but yet in still...here comes another woman to his bed. But even with this, there's a distinct yearning for more than just the physical.
The same can be said for women. We say we don't want anything more than sex, but is that true? With us languishing in the orgasmic afterglow, I beg to differ. We would leave immediately if that was all we wanted. To snuggle, cuddle, and wake up with this person can be more enjoyable than the sex. Thoughts can linger in the back of our heads as to whether something else can come out of the bedroom...to bring this "relationship" to another level.
Is there an underlying need to connect: to feel affection with the person we sex? Emotions ALWAYS seem to creep in, whether we're willing to admit it or not.
I woke up this morning to a feeling that I've had all along in regards to the health care battle here as of late. While I was pouring myself out of bed, President Carter said everything I had thought, but didn't want to admit in that racism is driving the resistence to President Obama's health care initiutives. The public outcry against government spending by certain groups is just a cover up for a much deeper, insinuous feeling that a Black President should not lead our country. There will be this "arms folded" style resistence with any plan presented before these right-wingers; refusing to discuss and/or negotiate like a democratic society should, but instigate an uncooperative spirit amongst their constituents. Can I go as far as say ilicit hate amongst the masses?
It left a pit in my stomach knowing that someone else had the same impression but they, like me, didn't want to broach the topic...fearing it would stir up what was perceived as a long-buried race issue. Seeing as though this was spoken from the mouth of an Ex-White House employee creeped me out! With him being in the know, he's quite aware politicians sheninagins, and how the Republicans have played upon the fears of a group of citizens which do not want President Obama to succeed. They will throw any obstacle in front of him and his administration to assure that he fails.
My problem with these so-called protestors is that all hell has been breaking loose since the last 8-year term with Bush as our President. Where were they then? Weren't the same problems present during the Bush administration? And why is there all this ruckus now? Why can't they trust that we are heading in the right direction? And if they feel we are not steering a clear course, why can't they negotiate, sit down at the table, instead of disrespecting the highest office in the free world? You know why: it just hasn't been spoken until now.
This is only the tip of the iceberg. It goes beyond the fact that President Obama is Black, but into the deep-rooted fear of change to the status quo. From those who were empowered by the mere color of their skin, and not by any gains they had made through perserverance and hard work. It frightens me every time I see a "rally" wherein the angry disenfranchised are wielding hateful signs, all behind the rabble-rousing of the many Joe Wilsons who spread mis-information to these simple-minded protestors.
I was a child of the 60s, and caught the tail end of the civil rights movement. I saw the riots, and hate, the destruction. But...I also saw the gains, and have directly benefited from the sacrifices my forefathers/mothers made. So I could be "here." "Here" is anywhere I want to be: without restriction because of my brown armor. With the social environment in the state that it's in, I think there's going to be more b*llsh*t before things get better.
But do big a** truck drivers disappear? Or only petite, fair-skinned damsels? I've noticed the media covers the disappearances of those we associate with being frail in some manner. Someone perceived as helpless graces the t.v. or internet; a picture of them on our monitors in happier times. Smiling, no less. Does anyone else go missing? I can understand children but as with missing females, hardly ever a child of color is given a write-up or air time.
And hardly ever a Black man. I can't EVER remember a Black man being featured as one of the lost. You know some of them have got to have disappeared over the years. What's up with that?
There definitely are some inequities by which who is considered worthy of news coverage: that only certain individuals fit the profile of being vulnerable. Hell, aren't we all vulnerable given the right circumstance?
As you probably know by now, I'm not a politically-inclined person. Not saying that I don't keep up with what is happening here in the U.S. and around the world, but I don't follow every bill or legislative act on a daily basis. But, I've been watching a troubling trend here lately. Masked racism. Yes, these words from someone who is quick to befriend anyone no matter what their race, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, etc. As long as someone treats me well and with respect, we're good to go.
What's troubling me? The fact that there is an underlying element that is attempting to not only undermine the policies set forth by our President, but his presidency as a whole. Not seeking to offer useful alternatives to them, but arguing and hell raising. But what do I see with my observant eye? It's not about the politics whatsoever. It's about the man!
I see it, don't you? The latest "protest" is the pulling of their children from school because they don't want them to hear President Obama's speech. Totally disrespectful to the Office. Now tell me the truth. Even when ex-President Bush was at the depths of his presidency, would they have pulled their children from the classroom when HE was making a speech? Absolutely not! Because President Obama is Black, he is not afforded the respect of his Office. This has not happened to any other Democratic president since before I was alive. Even in the 60s and with President Kennedy's policies. Although some did not agree, their children watched his speeches out of respect for his Presidency. The divisive attitude of these groups is despicable.
I may not agree to all the policies of ANY President, Obama included, but there needs to be a respect given to anyone who assumes the Office. And at the end of Obama's presidency when nothing gets done after all the rabble-rousing they'll stand proudly and say, "We told you it wouldn't work!" Of course it didn't, because YOU did all you could do to stop it through your disruptive practices!
I've got a question for everyone that has been pressing on my mind for a bit. Can men and women be friends? I mean true friends without any preconceived notion of a sexual relationship?
I don't know if you've been following my Twitter updates about home dude who lives next door who chases women. ALL WOMEN! I've sufficiently put him off because I figure he's a man whore who chases p*ssy as much as he chases money. Now he asks my husband will I ever speak to him again. The answer is "no" because of his inability to treat women as mere sex objects.
It seems a person of this character hasn't a clue as to what it is to have a friendly relationship with someone of the opposite sex. But does everyone have this problem? Though most of us do not overtly give the "vibe" of pursuing a person of the opposite sex (or same sex), do we still give off signals? In the way we dress? Speak? Demeanor? Just the fact that you're an outgoing type of individual, chatty and such, can give folks the impression that you want to bone them! (LMBAO)
Do you know someone that can entice people to do things they may not do, but with a little prodding, they'd jump off a building?
I've watched the antics from across the parking lot: the view from this angle is an interesting one. I see people coming and going at all hours of the day and night in various states of inebriation. From the disenfranchised crack whore, to the pseudo businesswoman. The term "Sis" is the catch-all phrase for these females. The semi-employed male will show up on rare occasion, too. All get drawn into his world of fun and merriment. I can only imagine what goes on behind THAT green door!
Yesterday he had a visitor that came during daylight hours, and left just before my daughter was to catch the school bus! You wonder if these folks really have a life? Or is home dude is so lonely, he'll do anything to keep company. Or is it manipulation? Him leading people to where he wants them by means of money and/or alcohol?
In any case, to watch the various/similar scenarios are funny as hell! We're at the point where we're taking bets on how long his "company" will be staying, if they'll leave with some of his cash, if they'll steal some of his cash, and when they'll be back for more. It's hard to tell who is being manipulated.
And he doesn't know Mrs. Kravitz is watching. (LMBAO)
Responsibility. Quite a mouthful for young babes. I have been trying to instill a sense of "caring for someone outside yourself" type of attitude with my daughters. Sometimes it works without intervention, sometimes I have to use a firm hand to get my point across.
My elder daughter BEGGED me to keep a feral kitten a few days ago. I was going to let nature take it's course, but changed my mind seeing as though she is older now (nearly 19), and should be able to take responsibility for this young life with a wee bit of help from myself. Well, the kitten stopped sucking on the nipple about 24 hours ago, and was in obvious need of hydration and nutrition. What was she doing? Online and texting! I'm like, damn, call the doctor and see if there is anything you should be doing to help it. If she doesn't survive, at least you know YOU did all you could. Reluctantly, she goes to the vet and picks up a syringe to force-feed the kitten. She comes back, feeds the kitten, and then smiles with pride.
Yes, as adults we have to look outside of what we want to do for the betterment of those around us. Being "self-less" is a difficult concept for some to grasp, but it is very rewarding once you get it.
I wonder when young adults "get it." Do you know? Please help me out on this one! (LOL)
I don't know, but it seems as though this country is on a rollercoaster ride of emotions as of late. Why? Because of the promises which were made during the election year. Those promises that had us riding on high; figuring that Obama was going to be able to fix everything with the wave of a magic wand. Reality has set in that he is NOT the messiah!
Many of us knew this would happen. When you put someone up on a pedestal, eventually they will teeter. President Obama looks a lilttle worse for wear having to fight off all the nigh sayers, protestors, and Republicans who would like more than to see him fail. He's just getting a real taste of politics: and how some individuals or groups will not support you; even if you have a great agenda.
I think what upsets me the most is that people know there is a problem to which the President is trying to fix, but won't stand behind him, or even come up with alternatives...just bitch! The town hall meetings are a joke, and someone's going to eventually do the unspeakable. You already have homeboy totting a weapon: what else do you need to prove those meetings need to be shut down? I know I'm not going to any of them! (LOL)
Do you think President Obama needs to back-pedal on some of the promises he made? Is there a way for him to obtain his objectives, and not sell himself out? Is compromise a sell out? I don't know. What do you think?
I had an interesting evening yesterday. My elder daughter brought home another boyfriend, but nothing like the dudes she'd brought by as of late. This one actually works AND has a car! He drove 2 hours round-trip to cook dinner for us. I couldn't believe that there were actually gentlemen left out here in this twisted world!
He shone through with flying colors, impressing me more than my husband, that he would actually do something like this for us. Brought her flowers, too! While we were at the table, he told me that he's saving up for a ring. I don't know if I'm quite ready for that, but I guess I'll have to...some day. :-)
I found this article very interesting, and thought I'd share it with you. It's a bit controversial in respect that it gives a counter argument about global warming as a man-made phenomena. That Mars is also experiencing warmer temperatures and polar ice cap melts.
I've always had my suspicions about the global warming discussion as a whole; seeing that the planet has had ice ages and warming periods in the past. I don't know if we could have done all this "damage" in the short period of time we have been driving automobiles. (lol)
When I'm not yacking here; I'll be yacking there! Feel free to drop by either/both at any time. More Chitlins is an "earthier" site where I'm a lil' bit more straight forward in my poetry and material presented there. Elusive Dragonfly has more of a "hempdresser" feel where I present a smoother, gentler approach toward life as we know it. Hey, we all have at least two sides, don't we?
So, I'm glad to be back. I'll come by to visit you once I get my house back in order.