They Hold Up The Walls Whilst Their Pants Fall...

...and I see them holding up the wall at the smoke shop across the street.  I watch them (pants hanging/shit-talking) gathering on the premises, slinging "illegals" to anyone who may be interested in their wares.  Now they've set up a hair cutting area in the parking lot.  Beneath the canvas, who knows what transpires there.

Most of the time I'm angry with them:  Being the absolute scourge of all I despise in life.  Unmotivated to do the things I feel they should to become real men.  Lazy, siftless individuals who would no sooner steal from you than to secure legitimate employment.  They run in packs, these wall-holder-upers do.  They give me sly smiles as they know I think of them as an abomination to mankind.  And being that I absolutely DESPISE lazy men, it couldn't get much worse than to view their ineptness.

Yet in still, I pity them.  I have a pretty good idea how they ended up holding the walls with their backs.  No fathers nor viable male figures.  I'm speaking in terms of males who made the choice (whether consciously or subconsciously) to abandon the lives of their sons.  I know someone who through his actions left his son high and dry.  His son found other males to fill the hole that he should have occupied.  Unfortunately, often times the "hole-fillers" are those that have been left behind by THEIR fathers, gang members, or other disenfranchised-type individuals.  This young man (to whom I referenced in a previous blog) has since found a questionable lot to call his family.  With no upstanding male to guide him, his only option was to run with what I would call a gang.

To me, the male bonding experience is an important one.  I've found that those who group together and have had positive influences in their lives do much better than those who do not.  There is little tomfoolery in those circles, no criminal activity.  Just guys enjoying each others' company.  On the other hand, there can be negative consequences to those males who gather not so much for companionship and comraderie.  The ones who didn't have the benefit of positive male sculpting early in life can engage in unlawful activity when in these groups.  Yes, all under a hair cutting tent in a smoke shop parking lot!  My rage in male parental abandonment will be aired in another blog.

Note to the absentee male figure:  Take a look over your shoulder and see who you're leaving behind...

rainwriter jones

Deliciously Down-Low Dirty Deviant Devils

                                  

In the recent past, there have been a series of sex scandals involving high-profile individuals.  As each story develops, I begin to question all the hoopla-la regarding sex, and how some have made a three-ring circus surrounding the act.  There's definitely a difference between someone who enjoys sex or the pursuit of such, and those who are compelled to have sex.   Shall we explore this? 


PART ONE:  Sexual Deviancy

I knew a person that I considered a very close friend that I can classify as a deviant.  I thought he was a very charming and endearing person, and didn't know of his activities at the beginning of our friendship.  Being promiscuous at a young age might have set the tone for his adult pursuits of multiple partners, questionable sex practices, and pornography.  We knew each other for over 20 years, and he held his "unusual" desires to himself for almost the entirety of our relationship.  However, one day while visiting him, I found a few pieces of unmentionables missing from my suitcase.  His constant denials led to an eventual confession.  We haven't spoken since.

Sexual deviancy is a mental health disorder and like with any addiction, it takes larger doses of the drug to elicit the same desired effect.  In terms of sex, the perpetrator tasks bigger risks.  Many may be acquainted with a person they may consider sex addicted, but what is sex addiction?  In my previous blog, "Sex Addiction 101," I list the symptoms as follows:

- Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
- Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
- Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
- Consistent use of pornography
- Unsafe sex
- Phone or computer sex (cybersex)
- Prostitution or use of prostitutes
- Exhibitionism
- Obsessive dating through personal ads
- Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
- Sexual harassment
- Molestation/rape

To be truthful, I'm sure many of you have engaged in one or more of these activities (me included).  But when does it change from pleasure to destruction?  Possibly when it becomes obsessive and/or detrimental to relationships, employment:  Anything that is important that is disregarded due to having to get the next fix. 

Rep. Weiner is a primary example of what could be considered sex addicted.  From what I've been reading (and what he has confessed), he has had many encounters with willing and unwilling partners, and engaged in exhibitionism and cybersex.  He stepped far and beyond what would be considered healthy sexual desires.  Addicts often hide their abhorrent behavior from family and friends, especially their spouses.  Clues are often left as to their activity, but one needs to be receptive enough to interpret them. 


PART TWO:  Freaks (and the freakazoids who frequent these freaks)...

In my honest opinion, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tiger Woods aren't sexual deviants, but men who enjoy the company of women:  MANY women!  Hot, lusty freaks that relentlessly chased females, even engaging in sexual activity with them.  It's probably a good guess that Maria Schriver knew about Arnold's tastes for the female gender, and only objected to it when the public was made aware of his adulterous behavior.  The possibility of many other women showing up and a child fathered with yet another woman couldn't be tolerated for someone of her social standing.  She would surely be shunned by her high society friends for allowing him to step out on her like that.  Too calm, too laid back, she HAD to have known.  I wonder what his childhood was like?  Was it okay in his household for the males to have women on the side? 

On the other hand, Tiger liked to do the nasty with whomever he could catch a hold.  His ex-wife Elin didn't have a clue as to his extramarital affairs as evidenced by her using his golf clubs on his ride .  Why he left a trail of text messages pointing a finger back to him is beyond me.   Might as well have been bread crumbs.  In his case, the inability of sexual experimentation may have led to his sexual exploits.  So do you think that having a little "taste" before marriage would have curbed his philandering?  We may never know.  He was sexually underdeveloped as he acted like a school boy humpin' girls behind the portables.  What's ridiculous on his part is that he knew these women would not hold his secret.  And speaking of secrets...

PART THREE:  Somewhere In Between (or the world according to Alec Baldwin)

I followed a link on twitter regarding the Anthony Weiner sex scandal.  It was a real eye-opener as spoken from a "matter of fact" perspective.  Mr. Baldwin is taking the stance that cybersex "...is sex for many people now."  The rest of the article can be found here:  http://tinyurl.com/6h7fjux. 

Can this be true?  I know with the advent of being able to virtually touch anyone on planet Earth courtesy of the internet, we have accessibility to just about anyone we desire to interact with (for any purpose).

Another quote from Baldwin:  "Weiner is so busy, he forgot the important rule that everyone you interact with on this plane becomes a co-conspirator. You rely on them to remain confidential." A fascinating statement.   Maybe part of the game is being secretive:  That raw part of the clandestine affair?  Maybe even moreso than the sex itself? It sounds perfectly logical that holding one's secret is one of the highs of undercover sex.  A wink, a nudge, a confidence held between two (or more) co-conspirators.


CONCLUSION:  The Truth in Advertising

Being up front about sexual tastes/habits with your partner is a favorable thing to do.  Your partner should be able to make an informed choice as to whether to continue a relationship with you.  It isn't fair to hide these facts from someone you supposedly care about.  But if you're lying to your partner, you probably don't care enough to let them go.  Extremely selfish, but so is sneaking around, AND putting your partner ask risk of STDs (believe me, if someone is creeping, they're probably not using jimmys).

Taking the mystique out of sex may alleviate the need for some individuals to lie about their pursuits.  The other person should have the choice as to whether they want to accept their weirdicities," or move on.  It might be a surprise that when you confess, your partner might have a confession or two for you as the knife cuts both ways!


rainwriter jones

P.S.:  If you use my coined word "weirdicity," make sure to give me credit! 

The Wrong Parent Left Behind

Where do I start?  Well, from the beginning of his story.  A tiny baby born to parents who didn't want him.  The two of them made a decision to put him up for adoption in lieu of parenting.  In comes two parents who chose to adopt him, wanting to make sure that he felt loved:  Wanted.  That it wasn't a mistake for being born, but a miracle that he was created.  And after 3 days, the birth parents take him back.  With this, the psychological abuse commences with the father walking out after three years, and the mother being emotionally vacant.  He's left to raise himself while the adoptive couple helplessly looks on. 

I have personally seen this story re-enacted over and over.  One parent walks out, leaving the other parent to take on the entire burden of raising a child on their own.  In this particular situation, both parents were (are) dysfunctional.  But there are other instances wherein one parent is more capable to taking care of the child(ren), but the OTHER parent has custody.  The result are dysfunctional children who turn into dysfunctional adults.  There is an endless cycle of men and women who never had a nurturing relationship with the custodial parent, nor the part-time parent.  They cannot emotionally connect with others.  If you've never seen what it is to be loved, how can you love? 

I'm not knocking single parenthood.  Though in the past, I had my doubts  regarding the viability of such a relationship.  However, it works in certain circumstances wherein there is a support system established between the single mother or father and other family members, friends, etc.  I have a friend who single-handedly raised two beautiful, functional children without the aid of a deadbeat father.  In this instance, the removal of the father from the equation was to the benefit of the children.  I'm referring to a custodial parent who is incapable of raising a well-balance child due to their lack of parenting skills, drug abuse, or lack of "availability."  Those who check out of their parenting responsibilities, or were never emotionally available to begin with.  Those who show no love toward their offspring.  These children have a tendency to engage in anti-social behavior. 

It's too bad that parents aren't assessed for their ability to love their children.  Just a hug, a kiss, or a word of encouragement is all some of these kids need to become productive citizens.  But here we sit, and we wait, and we cry as to what has happened to these children right before our eyes.  I know because I'm the adoptive parent who could only stand by while my son's life was ruined.  Yes, I call him my son because he was, if only for three days...

rainwriter jones

Pride in Censorship

As I uploaded more poems for inclusion in a book I'm creating on Blurb, I thought I'd better take a deeper look at some of the more questionable words and/or phrases I use while writing.  This excerpt is what I found: 

11.1 Prohibited Content. YOU MAY NOT INCLUDE “PUBLISHED BY BLURB,” “BLURB PUBLISHING” OR ANY OTHER REFERENCE THAT DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY SUGGESTS OR IMPLIES THAT BLURB IS THE PUBLISHER OF THE BOOKS THAT YOU CREATE USING THE SERVICES. You agree that you will not post, submit for print services, or otherwise provide to the Services, any Prohibited Content. “Prohibited Content” includes Book Content or Other Content that: (i) is offensive or promotes racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual; (ii) bullies, harasses, or advocates stalking, bullying, or harassment, of another person; (iii) involves the transmission of “junk mail,” “chain letters,” unsolicited mass mailing, or “spamming,”; (iv) is false or misleading or promotes, endorses or furthers illegal activities or conduct that is abusive, threatening, obscene, defamatory or libelous; (v) promotes, reproduces, performs or distributes an illegal or unauthorized copy of another person’s work that is protected by copyright or trade secret law, such as providing pirated computer programs or links to them, providing information to circumvent manufacturer-installed copy-protection devices, or providing pirated music or links to pirated music files; (vi) is involved in the exploitation of persons under the age of 13 in a sexual or violent manner, or solicits personal information from anyone under 13; (vii) provides instructional information about illegal activities such as making or buying illegal weapons, violating someone’s privacy, or providing or creating computer viruses and other harmful code; (viii) solicits passwords or personally identifying information for commercial or unlawful purposes from other Users; (ix) contains viruses, Trojan horses, worms, time bombs, cancelbots, corrupted files, or similar software; (x) violates any applicable law, including, but not limited to laws and regulations governing export control, unfair competition, anti-discrimination and false advertising; (xi) involves commercial activities that are detrimental to the interests of Blurb; or (xii) otherwise violates this Agreement or creates liability for Blurb. BLURB RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE TO PRINT ANY BOOK THAT CONTAINS CONTENT THAT IT DETERMINES IN IT SOLE DISCRETION IS PROHIBITED CONTENT, and you agree to indemnify and hold Blurb and its subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, employees, suppliers, service providers, and partner companies harmless for any claims, losses, liabilities and expenses arising out of or relating to any breach of this section.

Yes, a lot to assimilate and for someone like me, very restrictive.   Those two yellow highlighted words, obscene and offensive, are certainly subjective.  Who is to determine what is offensive or obscene?  A bare breast which nurses a child is fine, but a breast of a reclining female is not?  A penis in a medical book is totally acceptable, but one that is displayed in a photograph (let alone erect) is deemed as unacceptable?  (If you take note and read the red highlighted text, you'll certainly get a chuckle in seeing it's okay to promote sex and violence to anyone over the age of 13).

Censorship in the United States has always been a delicate subject.  The First Amendment allots for freedom of speech, but only to a certain extent.  Profanity and obscenity are not allowed in certain circumstances, which I can understand (i.e., around children under 18, etc.).  I think people should have the right to hear (or not), read (or not) anything they desire as long as they have been aforewarned that questionable words/phrases are being used.  In my case, I found "Tom Sawyer" particularly offensive back in my formative years as the word "nigger" was used liberally.  But, the powers that be found it perfectly acceptable language because this book was a "classic."  Still pisses me off 'til this day!  Whoever made that decision decided to include this book in the curriculum regardless of how Black Americans felt.  Damned right, it was OFFENSIVE! 

Just recently Thomas Dolby used one, just one, explicative, and was subjected to a torrent of comments from those who preferred not to hear it in his song "To The Lifeboats."  In my opinion, it was perfectly placed within the context of the song, and  I wondered why folks were getting so bent out of shape behind this word.  It was the only time I can recall him using a swear word in his music.  Maybe because they thought it out of character?  Or their civility wouldn't allow for its usage? 

My blog has an adult lock which warns people that certain subject matter may be objectionable, and they have the choice whether to enter. Why Blurb doesn't have something similar is interesting.  Because I wanted Blurb to publish my book, I toned down the language of my writing, which in my mind lessens the impact of certain pieces.  Well-placed verbiage of any kind is necessary for relay the emotion the author is trying to convey.  Needless to say, I'll be looking for another book creating site that will publish my work in it's entirety (uncensored) like many of the e-zines and free press literature publications out there. 

I don't know.  Maybe adding an astericks would make it more acceptable, and shit?  Oh, wait a minute.  That should be "sh*t!"  (LOL)

rainwriter jones

Arnold: The Unwed Father

I have decided to re-open my blog page after several months of not posting.  This spot will be used whenever I have something a bit controversial and/or long-winded in style.  Not wanting to off-put anyone, feel free to visit my opinions at "anywhere in the rain."  

Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Yep, I'm sure you've all heard of him, and the scandal involving him and his procreative activities.  I'm sure his family/wife/friends were aware of him having several women on the side.  To me that's not important.  As long as a couple is aware that either party is "out there," who's business is it other than between the two of them?  My issue comes into play when high-profile individuals deem themselves without fault, often placing others onto their moral compasses, and THEN get exposed for their dealings. 

The love of the female/male form is admirable, and I'm not chastising anyone for getting a taste here and there, but I don't think of sex as love:  It's an act.  But again, that's my opinion.  Things were probably cool between Arnold and Maria until the word got out regarding his secret child.  Since she would look disgraced in the eyes of her contemporaries, all of a sudden, it wasn't cool that Arnold was "out there."  Who's the hypocrite?  Damn, cut him some slack, Maria.  Don't play dumb now!   She probably stopped having sex with him years prior.  And who knows?  She might have knew about the child(ren) in question. 

Have your fun, but don't make children or bring home diseases. 

But...this is only my opinion.  Please feel free to leave yours, but don't be cruel in how you relay them.

rainwriter jones

A Weekend to Remember (or not) ... The Follow Up

This is a postscript to my "A Weekend To Remember" entry.  Here's a letter that I wrote the the hotel manager:  and a letter from him as his response. 

Dear Mr. Cox,


This e-mail is in regards to our hotel stay in room 3560 on December 11, 2010. We have our annual Christmas visit in Seattle, and thought that staying in a hotel we remembered as first class would be great.

Well, it started out on a sour note. When we arrived at 10 p.m. in the midst of a horrible storm, we expected to have our vehicle valet parked so we could go upstairs to relax. No such luck. The valet parking lot was filled, and we were forced to park our vehicle across the street, drag our bag in the pouring rain to a lobby filled with 20-somethings. When I complained to the desk about having to park off-property, she just gave a blank stare.

At 12:30 a.m., my husband was awakened to the couple next door engaged in sexual activity: banging and thumping on the wall, etc. This would have been funny any other time but seeing that we had been poorly treated mere hours prior, it wasn't laughable. At 2:15 a.m., we both were awakened to the sound of a loud party held by 20-somethings in the same room in which the sexual activity was heard. I call downstairs, and am told they have been notified by other guests of this party, and that security was on their way. 30 minutes later, I put my clothes on and head downstairs because there's no sign of security to break up this raucous party. In the lobby, I find security at the front desk smoozing with another female guest. They follow me upstairs, and clear the room of all but two hotel occupants. After a brief sleep on our part, we are again awakened at 5 a.m. to the LOUD sounds of sexual intercourse.

Here are a few questions. What is your policy on valet parking? It seems as though registered guests should have priority when it comes to parking on the premises. I saw lots of eveningwear in the valet parking area, and lots of kids in dressy garbs. Was there some party/gathering going on that made it impossible for those who were paying hotel guests to park? Sending your guests at night into the pouring rain doesn't seem like good policy. And I can rest assure that if an older couple were to show up at 10 p.m., their keys would have been taken, and their car parked!

Also, what is your policy on allowing anyone under the age of 25 to rent rooms? These youngsters turned the Westin into a spring-break-type location wherein drunken kids were allowed to disturb other guests who had come to enjoy the view and relax. Everyone should have been thrown out of that hotel room, including the registered guests who showed a total lack of judgment. I'm sure they were in violation of their hotel registration agreement with the party and excessive noise. This certainly should be grounds for them to be extricated along with their party guests.

Also, the lack of response by the security staff in taking care of problem hotel guests is despicable! With all things considered, our night at your hotel can be compared to the perfect storm: everything lined up to make our stay a miserable one.

Hopefully the poor treatment we received as hotel guests isn't typical.

Yours truly,

rainwriter jones (of course this ain't my name, silly!)  (LOL)

********************

Ms. Jones,


First off please accept my apologies for the delay in responding to your e-mail. I have been on vacation and this is my first day back in the office.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to share your comments about your recent stay with us. I’m sorry to learn that you had such an awful experience. Our goal is to have every guest leave feeling relaxed and renewed and clearly we did not provide that experience for you.

On the day you arrived we had a group of guest attending a large social event in our ballroom. Clearly we underestimated the impact of this on our parking garage. You are correct in thinking that you should have priority when it comes to parking at the hotel. I was shocked to hear that you were not allowed to park in our garage.

To rent a room at our hotel you must be at least 18 years of age. However none of our guest should be engaged in such debaucherous activates as you described in this email.

I will be sharing this email with our parking, security and front desk staff to make sure this never happens again.

As a gesture of regret, I feel it is only fair to refund you for the room and tax. I have contacted our accounting office to issue a credit of $137.56.

Once again, Thank you for sharing your comments on your recent stay with us. While it is never pleasant to receive bad news, it is only through honest feedback that we are able to identify and address our shortcomings.

Warm Regards,

Jay

======================

And although I haven't the notion to stay there again, at least I feel like I didn't pay for horrid treatment.

rainwriter jones

Happy Holidays

Please come visit my store on Lulu for some really great gifts for the holiday season and throughout the year!

rainwriter jones